The Reeking Stench of Bitterness (aka Scents for When I am All Bad Moody)

Get that AWAY FROM ME!

There are some days when I wake up, get dressed, trundle over to my perfume cabinet and shudder in horror at the thought of wearing some of my truly beloved scents.

Why?

I overslept, my hair is wet, I don't have a stitch of make-up on, and my general attitude is that the world at large should just be glad I got out of bed and participated today. In other words, I am feeling, if you'll pardon the expression, like hammered shit, and there is no way I feel bold and sassy enough for a dose of Tauer Perfumes Une Rose Chypre, or beautiful enough for my tiny vial of Robert Piguet Fracas parfum, or thin enough for a hit of vintage Caron Tabac Blond, or sexy enough for my roller of DSH Perfumes Erotica.

Everything I pick up is like that quote from High Fidelity: "The thing I really learned from the Charlie Debacle is that you gotta punch your weight. Charlie was out of my class: too pretty, too smart, too witty, too much." There are days when a lot of my favorite scents are, quite frankly, too pretty, too bold, too sexy, too classy -- too much. I can't face them. I want to go back to bed and only strength of will and a desire not to get canned in the worst economy in a century make me do otherwise.

On these days, it can be very hard to find a fragrance and you definitely do not want to be testing anything, because the anxiety of trying something beautiful in an awful mood and hating it is deeply depressing in its own right. To that end, here are some thoughts on scenting your way through the dark down days.

~ Don't be afraid to be a coward. ~

A lot of people will tell you try new scents, look for inspiration, challenge yourself to rise above it and find the invigorating meat of life that will help you turn your mood around. To these folks I say, SHUT IT. In the immortal words of Winona Ryder in Heathers, "If you were happy every day of your life, you wouldn't be a person. You'd be a game show host." You're not doing yourself or any hard working perfumer a favor if the stream of cursing running through your mind as you spritz on a new scent is filth of the order most frequently uttered by eight-year-old boys who have just acquired a naughty vocab and are out of their parents' earshot. Run, don't walk, from challenging material. Be a coward today; it's cool. We all do it sometimes.

In bad moods people tend to: eat their favorite foods, wear their snuggly pajamas, watch their favorite movies. We seek, in a word, comfort. The unknown is not comforting. Because I'm not talking about ennui here; that's a different problem. FN1. I'm talking about a black mood, Sally, and not one born of the cumulative circumstances in a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day, which might be overcome by a good ending a beautiful scent might provide because you're open to such a possibility. I'm talking about waking up on the wrong side of the bed and knowing the day will suck because you are in the mood to refuse any argument to the contrary.

On such a day, wear something you have absolutely no complaint about. If you have always and will ever after, Amen, loved Guerlain Shalimar or can’t get enough of Channel No. 5 EDT, bust that baby out. If you're ready to bite the heads off everyone, don't let a challenging scent get in the way.

This is my FIGHT FACE!

~ Wear a scent you already unconditionally love even if it is common, bad, or otherwise embarrassing. ~ 

Yes! Embrace the known, the overworn, the possibly common and mundane. If you have a big bottle of Estee Lauder White Linen or Ceasar Woman lurking in the back of the closet because you like them and don't care if other people think they are overworn or smell cheap or just all around suck in general, bring it out into the light. Have a brief, torrid, public love affair with banality! Love your bottle of GAP So Pink! with all your heart. You were already in the mood to tell the world “Screw You!” for the sake of it; you might as well wear a scent that might give you the opportunity.

~ Wear a scent that others find boring. ~

Yep. You've all got one. I know you do. You've got a scent you love but other people think smells like a dryer sheet, or you think smells like winter and noses in the knowes think of as white noise. Normally your friends notice and comment on the olfactory beauty in your wake, or hug you and say, "You smell wonderful, (sigh) as always," and then grill you on your recent scent choices. Perhaps on another day you might not want to admit that next to that $300 bottle of LE L'Artisan lurks a bottle of Paris Hilton Fairy Dust, but I say now is the hour of your reckoning! Get down with that reject scent; you're already feeling rejected and full of bile. Spray it all over and then if someone frowns at you, wave your arms wildly, spreading your averageness around like an obscuring cloud of scent underachievement.

~ Wear a scent that flies a little under the radar. ~

I have some very lovely scents that wear close to the skin and, unless you actually get closer than eight inches to me, you would never know they were there. FN2. These are the scents I am most likely to turn to when my mood is more rotten than a crab apple full of worms. Not because there is anything shameful or embarrassing or boring or wrong with them. Simply because the only statement I am hoping to make today is one to myself, a small reminder that despite the general bitterness eating at me these long hours, tomorrow will be better.

Must remember:
Not a workplace
appropriate response!

In these moods, I really like green scents. I like to use DSH Perfumes Hemlock or a little Miller et Bertaux No. 3 Green, Green, Green, Green to help assuage my ill temperament, though the latter is almost too large sillage-wise for this mood. Big sillage means attracting attention, and in this mood, I want no such thing. I know on these days I can be hard to deal with; no need to inflict that on anyone but myself. FN3. I need to purchase JoAnne Bassett's Night Queen, not because it isn't beautiful or glorious on me, but because I think I would find it equally silver-lining inspiring.

Another scent I find really comforting is Demeter Fragrance Library Salt Air, which has a harsh edge to it and isn't super low sillage, but doesn't necessarily smell perfumey, and therefore is unnoticed by everyone but me. There is something about being able to put my headphones on with the volume cranked and close my eyes and give my wrist a little sniff and pretend for a few minutes I am not trapped at work but instead barreling down the highway along the coast with the windows down that makes me feel a tiny bit better.

You know what else is comforting? Foodie scents. L'Artisan Bois Farine, aka the infamous "bread hologram" is really comforting and moderate to low sillage in smallish doses. Another scent that makes me feel better on a bad day is Olympic Orchids Carolina, which smells like banana bread and is similar to Washington Tremlett Royal Heroes 1805, but better smelling and better priced.

And last, but not least, I always feel it's best to smell like a cocktail when I really, really want one. To that end, I have the terrific Memoire Liquide Champagne et Mure #900 and Frapin 1270 EDP to make me feel boozy, but without the drunken rambling over-truthfulness I’m prone to in my tipsy moments.

What about you dear reader? What do you wear when you have a black day? Tell me below to enter a monthly mix drawing , this one my much overdue August 2011 draw. August 2011 Mix CD, which is a mix mostly of which what I was listening to in August, some new, some old, all awesome. Winner will also recieve a $15 gift certificate to their choice of Demeter Fragrance Library or The Perfumed Court, a few decants, and possibly a post card and other goodies.

Comment by Friday October 28, 2011 12:01AM PST to enter!

At least one more draw this week, so stay tuned.
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FN1. See video here for explanation.
FN2. Too close, you fool! I'm in the mood to ax-murder a body! NEVER GET THAT CLOSE IN THESE CIRCUMSTANCES! I could snap your poor self in half with nothing more than my jaws of viciousness on such an occasion.
FN3. And my lovely and long-suffering husband, who gets the backwash of my bad moody days by virtue of living with me, sadly.

She thinks I'm psycho 'cause I like to rhyme her name with things.

Monday, 2/14/11, through Friday, 2/18/11

Texas milkweed

Monday: puredistance Antonia - The initial impression I had was of a milky soapy substance with a hint of bitterness around the edges, like the sap from the Texas milkweed I remember growing up. You'd crush the flowers between your fingers and the scent would rise up at you. FN1.  It also has a powdery aspect that is nice and unique. Carol talks about this one being rendered strongly enough to taste it, and I get that sensation as well. It's green, but not in a sharp way. It's more powdery and supple and slightly floral than sharp, like the tender stems of  a weaved wildflower crown. I think it would be a great scent for Spring, though sadly not for me. I don't know what it is. It's unique and pretty and lush, but I've tried it three times and I still can't see myself wearing it. I recommend giving it a whirl, though. Everyone else seems to love it. 3 of 5 nods. FN2.

Tuesday: Bond No. 9 Andy Warhol Union Station - Truthfully? The opening smells exactly like a high quality version of Gap So Pink! I know because I wore it for a couple of years in high school and still keep a little bottle for nostalgia.

Two hours later: Still very Gap So Pink!. I'm gonna go home and try a side-by-side comparison and get back to you.

Later that night: Okay, so on my left arm I have Union Station, and on my right arm, So Pink! Putting them right next to each other, I can see the obvious differences but there is absolutely no denying the similarities, especially after a couple of hours. On application, So Pink is more citrusy, but in a fake cleanser smell kind of way. Union Station, on the other hands, smells like a basket of pale pink flower petals, like roses and tulips. The scents are like half-siblings. In fact, let's imagine it together, shall we?

Imagine two girls. 

Union grows up in an upper middle class ranch-style house on a block in a suberb full of the same micro-McMansions. She's an A/B student on the JV cheerleading squad and always has a date to Homecoming. She will probably make the Royal Court for Winter Formal this year. She drives a light blue Cabriolet convertible her parents bought her for her sweet sixteen. She got a good score on her PSATs and already has contacts in the admissions office of the big state school of her dreams, where she never pauses to doubt she will be accepted.

Then you've got Suz. She lives in a cramped two bedroom aparment in a rundown complex with her mom and her mom's boyfriend, Bob (rhymes with "knob"). She doesn't know anything about her dad, except that her mom dated him for a while, but he broke it off when she got preggo, which gives Suz some pretty dim views of dating. Suz makes okay grades, with the occasional A, not because she isn't capable of more, but because she hates going to that damned school full of the bubbleheaded rah-rahs and their beefy boyfriends makes her teeth ache from the fake sweetness of their hallway gropings. Suz rides the bus or bums rides off her friends, and avoids dances like she getting ready for for the 1955 Montgomery bus boycott.

The girls have a few run-ins during high school -- invites to the same parties, interests in the same guy -- that are just enough to allow them to torment one another with their mere respective existence.  As they grow older, look so much alike they could even be twins if you look past Union's dyed hair and nose job (broke it on a seesaw as a kid, had to have *that* fixed) and Suz's colored contacts. 

Years later, purely by chance, they end up working at the same large company. Union is a corporate account exec and Suz one of the top HR people, completely unaware of one another until they run into each other in the elevator one afternoon. There they realize they not only know each other, but may have more in common than they ever realized when they were sixteen and sitting on the opposite sides of bitter enemy lines, the kind that can only exist in high school.

That's what wearing Union Station is like compared to So Pink!. Like the stylish, better heeled half-sibling of my beloved high school scent in a plastic bottle. So if you like So Pink! this is a nicer version of a scent so similar after about two hours I could barely discern a difference. If you like Union Station okay but think it's a little on the pricey side, give So Pink! a try.

Just remember -- the money you spend going to make a huge difference in the quality of the opening salvo. Later...well, not quite so much. 3.5 of 5 nods.

Wednesday: Andrea Maack Sharp - Notes: orange blossom, angel skin, sweet vanilla, white musk and soothing softness. The opening is all black pepper and bitterness, probably from the orange blossom, but I'd expect to see white pepper among the notes, and I don't. In other words -- sharp! This part lasts about half an hour as it blends into the middle, which is anything but.

The middle is sweet, but not in a floral or foodie way. It is very ambery without, apparently, any amber. The sweet is a little on the dry side, as if you could make dried herbs of sugar cane. The overall experience reminds me of the way it would taste if you ate the coating off roasted spcied nuts, but without the nut part.

Except....except it has this little medicinal edge to it that keeps tugging at the edge of my brain, refusing to be ignored. It's interesting, as sweet as it is, you'd think I'd say it was floral or gourmand, but truthfully, it is sweet in the way that makes me want to meet the man who would wear it because I think, at least in a small dosage, it might be sexy as hell on a man with the confidence to wear it. FN3. Of course, this is the same phantom dude comfortable with wearing Theirry Mugler Angel, who I still have yet to encounter. FN4.

Now the big question: Do I like it? I think...yeah, I think I do. I can't quite call it an oriental, though it is definitely in that direction, because it lacks the complexity and incense-y edges I normally associate with orientals. I don't think it's overly aggressive (though, woah baby, it's got some sillage) as far as orientals go, so if you don't normally like things of that nature you might really like this. For me, it was like wearing the smell of Katy Perry's new album, Teenage Dream. Seriously. That album cover? That addictive poppy bounce? This scent has it. So look at the visual aid to the right, and you essentially have this scent. A lot of nice, but more than a smidgen of naughty, too. And you know what? I think I'm developing a crush on Katy Perry...and on Sharp. FN5. 3.5 of 5 nods.

Thursday: Keiko Mecheri Cuir Cordoba - Notes: black violet, bergamot, elemi, suede accord, patchouli, sandalwood, benzoin. Immediate impression: "Medicinal at first, but the sweetness underneath makes sniffing this feel the same as the feeling of velvet rudding against skin. I feel like a cat; I want to pur and rub myself against this one."

Okay, I wrote that before I read the Luckyscent description which says "Cuir Cordoba is like the softest, most supple suede." *AND* "Luxuriously tactile and equally gorgeous on a man or woman: Cuir Cordoba purrs utter sophistication." Seriously, how crazy is that? Soft fabric and purring? But I mean to tell you, those are the two things that come immediately with Cuir Cordoba. In fact I don't really know what else I can say: it's sweet and soft, the patchouli is very light, providing a kind of shading on a mix that smells 70% sandalwood and violet/10% benzoin/10% whatever the hell "suede accord" is. The only thing I didn't really get a lot of was the bergamot. And it doesn't smell like velvet or suede. It smells like the feel of velvet or, yes, I can see suede, against your skin. Definitely sexy, and could be worn by a man or a woman.

1 hour, 31 minutes later: Why is my lovely fabric scent turning into a copper penny dipped in blood? WHY!?! I loved it! It was one of the best scents I'd tried this year. I could have gone along rubbing my hand on my face for hours. But now? Smells like someone bleed all over my velvet gloved hand.

~ 3 hours in: The coppery blood smell has faded somewhat, but still there. It's better, but I don't so much want to spend hours with my hand glued to my face anymore. The coppery notes are less obvious from a distance of say, a foot away, but if you sprayed it on and someone went to kiss your neck or wrist, they might get an unpleasant undernote surprise. This makes me really sad to say, but I think I have to downgrade my initial impression, which was in the 4.5 to 5 range, to only a solid 3.5 to 4 nods.

Friday: Atelier Cologne Orange Sanguine - Notes: blood orange, bitter orange; heart notes: jasmine, geranium; base notes: amber woods, tonka beans, sandalwood. It is hard to do a good orange scent. I don't know what it is about orange scents, but so many of them smell a little like cleaner to me. I don't think it is the perfumers' faults, it is just that citrus smells get used in cleansers a lot, so that's the first thing that spring to mind.

 With that disclaimer, this is one scent that does not smell like cleaner! It is a very good orange scent. Right out of the gate, it is like a blast of realism, sweet orange fruit flesh all over you. It fades down quickly into a quieter scent, which allows a slightly sweet floral aspect come to play underneath. I think it screams summer scent, as you can practically feel the warmth coming off it in waves. It also works as a unisex scent, I think because citrus notes are found so often in genderless air fresheners and cleansers.  My only complaint is how light  and fleeting it is, though that makes it pretty safe for those of you in work aren't scent friendly. 3.5 of 5 nods.

Winner of the week: Andrea Maack Sharp edges out both Atelier Cologne Orange Sanguine (for being too light) and Keiko Mecheri Cuir Cordoba (because of the weird coppery part I can't get over). That said, would love to any of them. Great scents all. In fact, this whole week was consistently pretty good to great, which says nice things for all these perfumers.

This week's song dedicated to the Tuesday's scent and the warring fictional perfumey teens in my head.

"She lives her life like it's a party and she's on the list.
She looks at me like I'm a trend and she's so over it.
I think her ever present frown is a little troubling.
she thinks I'm psycho 'cause I like to rhyme her name with things.
But sophistication isn't what you wear or who you know
or pushing people down to get you where you wanna go.
They didn't teach you that in prep school,
so it's up to me: no amount of vintage dresses gives you dignity..."
"Better than Revenge," Taylor Swift (You can hear a clip of the song here.) FN6.
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FN1. Why was I crushing flowers between my fingers and sniffing at them? I dunno. What can I say? I was a weird kid. I also ate mint picked wild from my backyard even though my mom told me not to.
FN2. My sample was generously provided by Perfume-Smellin' Things and Luckyscent
FN3. Like Ted from How I Met Your Mother and his red boots. "Pulling them off."
FN4. I suspect this is a mostly American problem.
FN5. Seriously, did you see her on HIMYM? So cute! See the video below...



FN6. I love Taylor Swift. I love her new album, Speak Now. If you want to debate her as an artist or a positive icon for girls/women, we can do that, but I can tell you that if I had a guitar and her talent at twenty-one, I'd be writing songs just like hers. And I love her for that.  I love that her music feels like a window back to young love and loss, because it feels real, even if it isn't perfect in its maturity or awareness. After all, who's perspective is especially at twenty-one?

A Case of Mistaken Identity

I jumped in the elevator at work the other evening and another woman got on behind me. Immediately the small space filled with a large, flowery scent. I looked over at her and said, “You smell great! What are you wearing? Is it Gap So Pink!?” She replied, “No, Este Lauder Beautiful, but one of the side ones.” Apparently one of the Beautiful flankers (probably Beautiful Love based on its combination of big white flower notes and “mango mist,” whatever that is) to me smells *exactly* like Gap So Pink! Which in my mind is not a bad thing – I like Gap So Pink! – but with Pink costing, in its day, ~$26 for 100ml, and Beautiful Love coming in at $63.50 for 100ml, it is hard to imagine paying so much for a scent largely marketed to teens. So if you like Beautiful Love, perhaps now is the time to poke around on the net to find a heap bottle of Gap So Pink! While Gap no longer makes it, you can still find it around if you check.

Two days later, still floating...

I have no review, but in honor of Michelle and her GAP dresses, today I am wearing Gap So Pink! my trashy girly pink grapefruit scent.
Thanks to Slate.com for all the wonderful Obama-related political toons!

Hiatus endeth!

Sorry for the break, dear readers. I am now finished with my 2L finals and will resume my fragrance love documentation.

Generally, I tend to love heavy, dark, rich, strong fragrances, but now that things are getting warm (like 96 degrees with no air conditioning warm), sporting these fragrances seems so...stuffy. So I am now engaging in a search for lovely light summer scents. Whilst I and my credit cards embark on that create experiment, I offer up my "So Far 2008" list, the list of fragrances I've acquired thus far this year:

First Quarter

1. Annick Goutal Songes (x2 - great deal!)
2. CK Euphoria (Yick! What a mistake that was!)
3. Gap So Pink! (I have no excuses for my fondness)
4. L'Artisan Dzing!
5. Lorenzo Villoresi Alamut
6. Origins Ginger With a Twist

Second Quarter

1. CB I Hate Perfume Smokey Tabacco Accord
2. Chanel No. 5 EDT
3. DK Black Cashmere
4. Juliette Has a Gun Lady Vengeance
5. Origins Ginger with a Twist (2nd bottle b/c now discontinued)
6. Red Flower organic Guaiac

This is not counting decants, samples, etc. Just full bottled purchases... Wow. More engaged than certainly I would have ever expected given that I accidented my way into this via wanting to buy myself a gift of perfume for my 30th birthday (just this past Spring). And, of course, I still have a long list of more scents I love/want!