You've never been to the riverside.

Scents for a Day on the Winter Beach

"Down by the river, by the boat
where everybody goes to be alone, 
where you won't see any rising sun.
Down by the river we will run."

There are no Beach Boys songs for winter beaches. They are not "fun, fun, fun." They are not "where the boys are." People do not play "beach blanket bingo" on beaches strewn with the detritus of winter storms.

And yet, I love winter beaches in all their stark beauty. Cold and clear or overcast and rainy, they always strike me as dramatic and moody, better settings for stories of weight than the sun soaked beaches of summer I now associate with serial rapists trolling for girls gone wild. FN1.

I went to the beach last weekend when I was supposed to be working on a number of projects because, frankly, someone asked me. When someone offers to drive you two hours to the beach and two hours back and not even ask for gas money, my rule is to always say yes if at all possible. FN2. While I was there, I got to thinking about the appropriate beach scents for the blustery winter day of sun and sand, and I was curious about your thoughts on the subject, dear reader.

For me, scents like Estee Lauder Bronze Goddess, which I recently tried and loved, don't work for the winter beach. It was a lovely warm mix of coconut and white flowers, and everything about it said warm bare skin and bronze bodies. It's a great scent, but didn't go with wellies, jeans, flannels, and a long wool coat. The same goes for CB I Hate Perfume At the Beach 1966. There's too much "little cartoon dog baring little cartoon girl's tan line" in it for me to think it was meant for stormy November weather. I have the same problem with the beautifully floral beach scents like Annick Goutal Songes. There are no flowers on the harsh and windswept winter beaches, only bare limbs of deciduous trees stripped of their leaves that line the cliff edges like a crowd of freezing-legged, stockingless girls mixed in among the evergreens.

While I like Demeter Fragrance Library's Salt Air for coastal wanderings, it didn't seem to have the right amount of coldness for me. It had a harshness, it smelled...warm.  Or at least, not cold.  I don't know how to put it, other than it is the smell I think of when I'm driving with the windows down and smell the ocean before I can see it, and the winter is too cold for driving with windows down. FN3.

After digging around in the tin of samples I never leave home without, though, I found one that completely fit the bill.  The Difference Company Sel de Vetiver was exactly what I wanted in a winter beach scent. There is something about the combination of citrus and leather and salt that smells like a concentrated blast of air straight off the Pacific in winter. I had my friend sniff at my Sel de Vetiver laden wrists and she concurred; it smelled a lot like the air smelled, but deeper and richer. It's almost briny, and the vetiver on me smells like my hands after I've spent a long time sitting on a large piece of slightly wet driftwood.

Now that I've found the scent, I'm like an addict.  All week long I've been sneaking off to the bathroom to put some on. I have a small 2.5ml sample that I keep parceling out in tiny not-quite-sprays, careful to use only enough to transport me out of my stuffy office and back to the beach for a moment.  The sun was shining, the birds were flocking in a great crowd, everyone on the beach was in hoodies and jeans and there was a disproportionately high ratio of dog-people to regular people and it just seemed so...easy.  The whole day seemed easy, and so few days have been like that lately.   


Sel de Vetiver, which would make a great scent on a man or a woman, takes me back there, at least momentarily.  It makes the price tag seem almost reasonable ($135/50ml).  "It's practically a steal given the happy moment you derive from it," says a reasonable sounding voice in my head.  This is the silky voice of temptation, the one that has a nasty habit of equating consumerism with sensory experience. I'm trying to resist that voice a little more; I really have more of everything than I possibly need, and the idea of moving in a few months after a decade of pack-ratting stuff into this apartment is starting to scare me. And yet...and yet...


I wantes it, the precioussssss.

Ah, well.  Maybe someone will get me a decent sized decant from The Perfumed Court for Christmas. FN4. FN5.

What about you, faithful reader? What are your winter beach scents?

"Oh my God,
I see how everything is torn
in the river deep,
but I don't know why
I go away
down by the riverside."
~ "Riverside," Agnes Obel FN6.

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FN1. As an advocate for sexual assault survivors at a college, can I just say -- I hate spring break. Not the taking of seasonal time off from school, but the "WOOOOOOOHSPRINGBREEEEEEEEEEAK" of popular culture that leads otherwise sensible people to engage in dangerous levels of stupidity on an annual schedule. It's like creating a version of "The Deadliest Game: Pervs Edition" complete with binge drinking, public near nudity, the idea that sex with strangers is daring and not moronic, and the things at risk are your soul, confidence, trust, sanity, and, possibly, your life. I'm not into victim-blaming EVER, but also think there are cultural moments where our collective idiocy pools and in American culture, Spring Break has got to be one of them.
FN2. Not being much of a "yes to stereotypical fun" kind of girl (see FN1 for example), this is one area of normalcy where I make myself say yes.
FN3. It's funny how "cold" is a smell that I didn't really understand before became a perfumista.
FN4. I know. I'm shameless. Seriously, we might as well subtitle every post beginning with my bitterness post where I fished for a bottle of Night Queen until the holidays are over "stuff Diana wants but cannot afford."
FN5. Seriously, though? I'd also take a decant of TDC Sublime Balkiss. Or any of the things on my Amazon wishlist.  See what I mean -- shameless!
FN6. Okay, yes, I realize the song doesn't really fit because it's technically about a river and not the ocean but (1) it's still water and (2) its got the proper mood and (3) it's really beautiful (see video below) and (4) its been haunting me for like two weeks.

The Reeking Stench of Bitterness (aka Scents for When I am All Bad Moody)

Get that AWAY FROM ME!

There are some days when I wake up, get dressed, trundle over to my perfume cabinet and shudder in horror at the thought of wearing some of my truly beloved scents.

Why?

I overslept, my hair is wet, I don't have a stitch of make-up on, and my general attitude is that the world at large should just be glad I got out of bed and participated today. In other words, I am feeling, if you'll pardon the expression, like hammered shit, and there is no way I feel bold and sassy enough for a dose of Tauer Perfumes Une Rose Chypre, or beautiful enough for my tiny vial of Robert Piguet Fracas parfum, or thin enough for a hit of vintage Caron Tabac Blond, or sexy enough for my roller of DSH Perfumes Erotica.

Everything I pick up is like that quote from High Fidelity: "The thing I really learned from the Charlie Debacle is that you gotta punch your weight. Charlie was out of my class: too pretty, too smart, too witty, too much." There are days when a lot of my favorite scents are, quite frankly, too pretty, too bold, too sexy, too classy -- too much. I can't face them. I want to go back to bed and only strength of will and a desire not to get canned in the worst economy in a century make me do otherwise.

On these days, it can be very hard to find a fragrance and you definitely do not want to be testing anything, because the anxiety of trying something beautiful in an awful mood and hating it is deeply depressing in its own right. To that end, here are some thoughts on scenting your way through the dark down days.

~ Don't be afraid to be a coward. ~

A lot of people will tell you try new scents, look for inspiration, challenge yourself to rise above it and find the invigorating meat of life that will help you turn your mood around. To these folks I say, SHUT IT. In the immortal words of Winona Ryder in Heathers, "If you were happy every day of your life, you wouldn't be a person. You'd be a game show host." You're not doing yourself or any hard working perfumer a favor if the stream of cursing running through your mind as you spritz on a new scent is filth of the order most frequently uttered by eight-year-old boys who have just acquired a naughty vocab and are out of their parents' earshot. Run, don't walk, from challenging material. Be a coward today; it's cool. We all do it sometimes.

In bad moods people tend to: eat their favorite foods, wear their snuggly pajamas, watch their favorite movies. We seek, in a word, comfort. The unknown is not comforting. Because I'm not talking about ennui here; that's a different problem. FN1. I'm talking about a black mood, Sally, and not one born of the cumulative circumstances in a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day, which might be overcome by a good ending a beautiful scent might provide because you're open to such a possibility. I'm talking about waking up on the wrong side of the bed and knowing the day will suck because you are in the mood to refuse any argument to the contrary.

On such a day, wear something you have absolutely no complaint about. If you have always and will ever after, Amen, loved Guerlain Shalimar or can’t get enough of Channel No. 5 EDT, bust that baby out. If you're ready to bite the heads off everyone, don't let a challenging scent get in the way.

This is my FIGHT FACE!

~ Wear a scent you already unconditionally love even if it is common, bad, or otherwise embarrassing. ~ 

Yes! Embrace the known, the overworn, the possibly common and mundane. If you have a big bottle of Estee Lauder White Linen or Ceasar Woman lurking in the back of the closet because you like them and don't care if other people think they are overworn or smell cheap or just all around suck in general, bring it out into the light. Have a brief, torrid, public love affair with banality! Love your bottle of GAP So Pink! with all your heart. You were already in the mood to tell the world “Screw You!” for the sake of it; you might as well wear a scent that might give you the opportunity.

~ Wear a scent that others find boring. ~

Yep. You've all got one. I know you do. You've got a scent you love but other people think smells like a dryer sheet, or you think smells like winter and noses in the knowes think of as white noise. Normally your friends notice and comment on the olfactory beauty in your wake, or hug you and say, "You smell wonderful, (sigh) as always," and then grill you on your recent scent choices. Perhaps on another day you might not want to admit that next to that $300 bottle of LE L'Artisan lurks a bottle of Paris Hilton Fairy Dust, but I say now is the hour of your reckoning! Get down with that reject scent; you're already feeling rejected and full of bile. Spray it all over and then if someone frowns at you, wave your arms wildly, spreading your averageness around like an obscuring cloud of scent underachievement.

~ Wear a scent that flies a little under the radar. ~

I have some very lovely scents that wear close to the skin and, unless you actually get closer than eight inches to me, you would never know they were there. FN2. These are the scents I am most likely to turn to when my mood is more rotten than a crab apple full of worms. Not because there is anything shameful or embarrassing or boring or wrong with them. Simply because the only statement I am hoping to make today is one to myself, a small reminder that despite the general bitterness eating at me these long hours, tomorrow will be better.

Must remember:
Not a workplace
appropriate response!

In these moods, I really like green scents. I like to use DSH Perfumes Hemlock or a little Miller et Bertaux No. 3 Green, Green, Green, Green to help assuage my ill temperament, though the latter is almost too large sillage-wise for this mood. Big sillage means attracting attention, and in this mood, I want no such thing. I know on these days I can be hard to deal with; no need to inflict that on anyone but myself. FN3. I need to purchase JoAnne Bassett's Night Queen, not because it isn't beautiful or glorious on me, but because I think I would find it equally silver-lining inspiring.

Another scent I find really comforting is Demeter Fragrance Library Salt Air, which has a harsh edge to it and isn't super low sillage, but doesn't necessarily smell perfumey, and therefore is unnoticed by everyone but me. There is something about being able to put my headphones on with the volume cranked and close my eyes and give my wrist a little sniff and pretend for a few minutes I am not trapped at work but instead barreling down the highway along the coast with the windows down that makes me feel a tiny bit better.

You know what else is comforting? Foodie scents. L'Artisan Bois Farine, aka the infamous "bread hologram" is really comforting and moderate to low sillage in smallish doses. Another scent that makes me feel better on a bad day is Olympic Orchids Carolina, which smells like banana bread and is similar to Washington Tremlett Royal Heroes 1805, but better smelling and better priced.

And last, but not least, I always feel it's best to smell like a cocktail when I really, really want one. To that end, I have the terrific Memoire Liquide Champagne et Mure #900 and Frapin 1270 EDP to make me feel boozy, but without the drunken rambling over-truthfulness I’m prone to in my tipsy moments.

What about you dear reader? What do you wear when you have a black day? Tell me below to enter a monthly mix drawing , this one my much overdue August 2011 draw. August 2011 Mix CD, which is a mix mostly of which what I was listening to in August, some new, some old, all awesome. Winner will also recieve a $15 gift certificate to their choice of Demeter Fragrance Library or The Perfumed Court, a few decants, and possibly a post card and other goodies.

Comment by Friday October 28, 2011 12:01AM PST to enter!

At least one more draw this week, so stay tuned.
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FN1. See video here for explanation.
FN2. Too close, you fool! I'm in the mood to ax-murder a body! NEVER GET THAT CLOSE IN THESE CIRCUMSTANCES! I could snap your poor self in half with nothing more than my jaws of viciousness on such an occasion.
FN3. And my lovely and long-suffering husband, who gets the backwash of my bad moody days by virtue of living with me, sadly.