Fighting the Little Hater

Sometimes I get the mopes.

I try hard not to. I try to remember that I am healthy, have the love of someone I admire, a place to live, food to eat, and that I feel safe and feel that my loved ones are safe. I am intelligent by most measures and well-educated by any measure. I’m fully able. I’m (mostly) healthy. I have too much food to eat, never too little. I am warm. I am dry. In the greater spectrum of the world, that makes me pretty damned wealthy.

But there are things I wish I had right now, like a job. More perfume. Less weight on my midsection. A copy of Twilight: New Moon collector's edition from Borders. (Don't judge me!) The ability to travel more frequently and see my family more often. The ability to single-handedly finance a Gilmore Girls or Veronica Mars movie. A clothes washer & dryer and a larger kitchen. A few more esoteric things I don’t feel like blogging because they are, frankly, too personal. (Yes, I do actually have a “too personal” setting. It’s just set way lower than other people’s.) And sometimes these things get me down. Not all the time, but sometime.

Like today. I had plans for today. I had stuff I was going to get done. Instead I cried myself to sleep watching My Super Ex-Girlfriend and a rerun of Numb3rs (which David hates and I refer to as my CRIMESOLVINGMATH! Show). I slept all afternoon. Then I wake up and I hate on myself for wasting the day and not getting anything done and feel even deeper in the hole than when I started. It’s what Jay Smooth refers to as “the little hater” (see below). So I’m just going to try to be here more, because being here makes me feel better and creative and productive. And also, I have several other creative endeavors I am working at, and being here helps inspire me in other avenues and keeps me focused on positivity and progress. So I am making a commitment to myself to AT LEAST come here and write for you even when I am not feeling all that excited about it because it will ultimately lead to happier, healthier me.